Future Little Davids

It has been awhile since I've written on this blog, and I feel it is necessary to explain why. You see, dear followers, after my last blog entry insulting the Other Davids, I became ill. I feel that this can only be explained by the idea that I spent too much time thinking about the Davids, and therefore was sick. But I am better now, and ready for more insults.

Today I would like to up the level of insult on this blog. I am taking this to a new level. Today, I plan on insulting people who do not exist yet.

You see, as unlikely as it seems (really, as nightmarish as it seems), David Levin is married. This means that David now has the potential to reproduce. Now, we can only assume that the only way David got Shelley to marry him is through the secret administering of mind-altering drugs, which he apparently has in numerous supply, as he is still married. My fear is that these drugs are strong enough to not only convince Shelley to marry him, but to procreate with him. (If we're talking about David, though, I feel the correct word would be concreate.)

So, we're going to assume that someday David will have children, and now we will assume that these children will be as horrible as David is. We can assume that any children David has will be as horrible as he is because there is no way anything that comes of David could NOT be bad. So, what follows is addressed to these wretched Future Little Davids:

Dear Future Little Davids,

You are horrible creatures. While it is not your fault but instead the fault of your father, that is not an excuse that you can use. You see, Future Little Davids, you are by default ugly, sinister little creatures who may very well spell the end of the world. Though I have yet to meet you because you have yet to exist, I imagine that when the book of Revelation refers to the demon locusts that come flying out of the bottomless pit, you yourselves are these demon locust. You will have faces like men but teeth like lions, bodies like horses and tails like scorpions. You will terrorize the whole earth. People will wish they were dead because of you.

There. I feel much better knowing that, when those Future Little Davids arrive on this earth, there will be at least one insult waiting for them. Let us pray that such a day is a long, LONG way off.

Until the next time, dear followers, remember; if you see a David, poke him in the eye with a red hot iron spike. I suggest a long one, so that you don't have to get too close.